Sometimes You Just Have To Laugh

Before I begin, let me say that I was looking forward to doing no laundry today after a marathon 2 days of many, many loads...

That should have been my first clue. Murphy's Law being exactly that, a law.

Today began as any other day. Up at 6:30 am, girls fed/dressed, no a.m. nap-but that sometimes turns out okay. We took a drive and they slept in the car. Then we came home and began lunch. At the end of bottles, I notice Lily's familiar signal of impending bowel movements.
The color drains out of her face and her eyes turn red. No problem, I can handle this. Diaper changed and now we can look forward to a good nap in the bouncy seats. Lately, Lily has been preferring to stretch out in bed vs. bouncy seat for nap. She started to squirm and fuss, no problem. I laid her down in her crib and after a few minutes of fussing, she was asleep.

I returned to Lola in her bouncy seat in the living room and began to pretend to fall asleep. When it doesn't make the girls giggle, it seems to work.

With my eyes closed, my other senses kicked into overdrive. Smelling the smell of another baby who needs a diaper changed, I opened my eyes to Miss Lola smiling cutely. Ah, the joys of motherhood. I picked her up and looked down at her seat. You guessed it, big time mess of the worst kind.

Don't panic, don't panic, don't panic. I have only had this happen to me 2 other times (I know I am very lucky) and I have not kept the best composure. Convinced that this time I would not cry or say any expletives, I moved Lola into the girls' room to begin the process.

It was worse than I knew.

It was everywhere. Lola's waistband, foot, thigh, entire leg of pants, my pants, my shoulder. Don't panic, don't panic, don't panic. Don't cuss, don't cuss, don't cuss. I laid Lola down in the floor on a disposable blue pad to strip her down. Of course she had on a onsie that was covered in mess and of course, I had no choice but to take it over her head. Yea me. Yea Lola. I proceed to the bathroom sink to rinse out pants and onsie. I then think about my pants and shirt. I take them off as well. Everything into the washer.

I go back to Lola, who is happy in the floor-playing with her FOOT. I grab diaper wipes and start wiping her off-she begins making a high pitched noise I had never heard before. I look at her face, she is clearly freezing and making jumps everytime I touch her with the wipes that had just been put into wipe warmer about 30 minutes before. Sympathizing, because I am next to naked, but I have no choice but to leave her to start a bath.

Then I remember about the bouncy seat. I need the upholstery of the bouncy seat clean and ready to go for next bottle. Dad won't be home until 6 pm. I feed both girls in bouncies at same time when I am alone. GRRR... Run into living room, still next to naked. Strip down bouncy seat, forgetting that whoever invented these things has a cruel sense of humor, because the upholstery isn't all that easy to remove. Stuff into washer with other soiled garments.

Back to Lola. She is relatively clean in floor, not obviously cold at this point. Fill water in sink (yes I washed it out first and yes she probably is too old to still be washed in bathroom sink, but it works for us). Bathe Lola, almost done, almost done, almost done. No cussing thus far. At least out loud. I have managed to keep Lola calm and she is doing okay. Lily, after waking up initially to the frenzy of movement in the room, has thankfully gone back to sleep.

Now, all I have to do it dress Lola and I am home free. I get Lola in her bed, get jammies onto her feet and just before I zip her up- PUKE all over her neck, chest, shoulder. Expletive, expletive, expletive.


Do you ever feel like that old armed forces commercial? "I do more by 9 am than most people do all day"...

Love, Mel